A guy goes into a store and says to the clerk, "I"d like some Polish Sausage." The clerk looks at him and says "Are you Polish?" The guy says "Well, yes I am. If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian, or if I had asked for German sausage, would you ask me if I was German?? If I had asked for a taco would you ask if I was Mexican?" The clerk says "Well, no." The guy says "Then, why do you ask me if I'm Polish just because I ask for Polish sausage??" The clerk says "Because this is a hardware store."

An Arab diplomat visiting the US for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir wasn't used to the salt in American food (French fries, cheese, etc.) and was constantly sending his man- servant, Abdul, to fetch him a glass of water. Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water. But finally he returned empty-handed. "Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water??" demanded the Grand Emir. 'A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One," stammered the wretched Abdul,"but a man is sitting on the well."

How do you sink a polish ship??? Put it in water

One day an Indian, a Muslim, and a Cowboy were just sittin' around when all of the sudden, the Indian said with a gloomy look, " Once my people were many, now we are few.", then the Muslim said with a huge smile on his face, "Once my people were few, now we are many.", the Cowboy replied , "Oh, that's just because we ain't played cowboys and muslims yet."

One Day Ima go to Detroit to a Bigga Otel, I go down to eata breakfast, I tella waitress, I wanna two pisses of toast. She brings me only one piss. I tella her I wanta two piss. She say go to the toilet. I say to her you no understand, I wanna two piss on my plate. She say you better not piss on the plate you sonna ma bitch. I don't even know the lady and she calla me a sonna ma bitch. Later I go to eata lunch ata drake restaurant. The waitress bringa me a spoon anda knife but no fock. I tella her, I wanna fock. She tella me everybody wanna fock. I tella her you no understand, I wanna fock on the table. She say you better not fock on the table, you sonna Ma bitch. I don't even know the lady and she calla me a sonna ma bitch. So I go back to my room inna Otel, and there's no sheet on my bed. I calla the manager anna tella him I wanna sheet. He tella me to go to the toilet. So I say, you no understand, I wanna sheet on my bed. He say you better not sheet on the bed you sonna ma bitch. I go to check out anda the man at the desk say. Peace to you, I say Piss on you too, you sonna ma bitch. I go back to Italy.

The airliner from Polish Airways was preparing to land at O'Hare Field. The pilot radioed the control tower that he thought the runway was too short to land on. The tower radioed back that it was more than long enough. In a few minutes the pilot again radioed about the runway length, only to receive the same reply. On final approach, the pilot radioed again that he thought the runway was too short, only to receive an exasperated reply that the runway was long enough and to go ahead and land. Sure enough, the plane touched down and ran into the passenger terminal, resulting in major damage and great loss of life. After the plane came to a halt, the pilot turned to the co-pilot said, "See, I told them the runway was too short". To which the co-pilot replied, "Yeah, but did you see how wide it is?"

There are many stories related to the sinking of the "Titanic". Some have just come to light due to the success of the recent movie. For example, most people don't know that back in 1912 Hellman's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. The "Titanic" was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after New York City. The Mexican people were eagerly awaiting delivery and were disconsolate at the loss. So much so that they declared a national day of mourning which they still observe today. It is known, of course, as Sinko de Mayo.

There was a construction foreman looking for laborers, he posted an add in the local newspaper a short time later a stout Norweigan man named Bjorn showed up an said "Herlo job foreman sir, when do I start the yob?".Knowing the Norweigan was probably dumb as a post he decided to test the lad so he told the man "without using any numbers I want you to make nine" the Norweigan looked around and picked up a stick and proceeded to draw three trees in the dirt, "there ya go job foreman guy when do I start?"Annoyed, the forman replied "How do you figure that makes nine?" "Well tree plus tree plus tree makes nine.", "Yeah, okay smart guy," retorted the foreman, "now without using any numbers make ninety nine." So without skipping a beat, the Norweigan grabbed, a shovel and scooped up some mud and proceeded to drop a dollop of mud on each tree, "there ya go foreman guy when do I start?"Infuriated at this point that the man was so quick, he asked "How's that ninety nine?" "Well ya see, dirty tree plus dirty tree plus dirty tree isa ninety nine." "Make one hundred" demanded the foreman, positive that there was no way neandrathal Norweigan could oblige. Once again the man used the shovel this time scooping up a pile of dog poop, evenly dropping a bit under each tree, "OK! job foreman guy, where do you want me to be startin first?""Alright wise-guy, explain how the heck is that to make 100?" "Okay," said the witty Norweigan, "dirty tree and a tird plus dirty tree and a tird plus dirty tree and a tird dat makes 100!"