A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead all worked in the same office with the same female boss. Every day, they noticed their boss left work early. One day, the girls decided that when the boss left, they'd leave right behind her. After all, she never called in or came back to the office when she left early, so how was she to know? The next day, they all three left the office right after the boss left. The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening and went to bed early. The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the health club before meeting her dinner date. The blonde was happy, happy, happy to be home, but when she got to the bedroom she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly, quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with HER BOSS. Ever so gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house. The next day at coffee break, the brunette and redhead decided they were leaving early again, and asked the blonde if she was coming with them. "NO WAY," she exclaimed, "I almost got caught yesterday"

a chinese guy,a white guy, and a black guy all get a job at the same place.the boss comes out and says,"i'm leaving for awile,and when i get back i want to see this place swept,and that pile of dirt out front shoveled and in five diffrent piles." so he tells the white guy,"you are in charge of sweeping." he tells the black guy,"your in charge of shoveling." and finally he tells the cinese guy,"your in charge of the supplies." he leaves and comes back in about three hours and sees nothing done. so he asked the white guy,"why didn't you do anything?" he replies,"i would have but the chinese guy didn't give me a broom." so he askes the black guy,"why haven't you done anything?" he also replies,"the chinese guy didn't give me a shovel." so he goes to look for the chinese guy, but he couldn't find him. finally he walks over to the pile of dirt and the chinese guy hopped out and said,"supplies!"

A factory foreman is walking through the work area, and notices that Kawolski isn't at his station.He asks one of the other workers if they know where Kawolski is, and the employee points straight up in the air. The foreman looks up, and there's Kawolski, hanging by one arm from the rafters."Get down from there, Kawolski," he yells, to which Kawolski replies, "But I'm a light bulb!"The boss is -NOT- impressed, and makes Kawolski climb down and get back to work.About an hour later, the boss is walking through the factory once again, and once again he notices that Kawolski is missing. On a hunch, he looks up, and again sees Kawolski hanging by one arm from the rafters.The foreman makes him climb down, and chews him out, saying that if he catches Kawolski up there one more time, he's going to get fired.Another hour later, the boss is making another round, and sure enough... there's Kawolski, hanging by one arm from the rafters."That's it, Kawolski," he yells. "You're FIRED!"Kawolski climbs down, and grabs his lunchbox. As he gathers his belongings, all of the other employees stop working, and begin to empty their lockers as well."What's going on?" the foreman asks. "The rest of you had better get back to work right now!"One of the employees turns to the forman and says, "Sorry boss, but we aren't working without any lights."

A fellow had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech corporation. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes. "Open these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can solve," he said.Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a downturn and he was really catching a lot of heat. About at his wits's end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first envelope. The message read, "Blame your predecessor."The new CEO called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous CEO. Satisfied with his comments, the press -- and Wall Street -- responded positively, sales began to pick up and the problem was soon behind him.About a year later, the company was again experiencing a slight dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. Having learned from his previous experience, the CEO quickly opened the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize." This he did, and the company quickly rebounded.After several consecutive profitable quarters, the company once again fell on difficult times. The CEO went to his office, closed the door and opened the third envelope. The message said, "Prepare three envelopes."

A guy goes to the Post Office to interview for a job.The interviewer asks him, "Are you a veteran?" The guy says, "Why yes, in fact, I served two tours in Vietnam.""Good," says the interviewer, "That counts in your favor. Do you have any service-related disabilities?"The guy says, "In fact I am 100% disabled. During a battle, an explosion removed my private parts so they declared me disabled, it doesn't affect my ability to work, though.""Sorry to hear about the damage, but I have some good news for you, I can hire you right now! Our working hours are 8 to 4. Come on in about 10, and we'll get you started."The guy says, "If working hours are from 8 to 4, why do you want me to come at 10?""Well, here at the post office, we don't do anything but sit around and scratch our balls for the first two hours. Don't need you here for that!"

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?" St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move." "Oh," said the man, "Whose clock is that?" "That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie." "Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?" St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life." "Where's George Bush's clock?" asked the man. "Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."

A man walk up to a woman in his office and tells her that her hair smells nice.The woman imediately goes to her supervisor's office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit and proceeds to explain why.The suervisor is puzzled by this time and says, "What's wrong with your co-worker complimenting on ow your hair smells?"The woman replies."He's a midget"

An accountant spends a week at his new office with the accountant he is replacing. On the last day the departing accountant tells him that he has left two envelopes in the desk drawer and that the envelope number 1 should be opened if he ever encounters any sort of crisis in the job and envelope number 2 if a further crisis occurs. Three months down the track there is a major drama, all the accounts are wrong - the usual stuff - and the accountant feels very threatened by it all. He remembers the parting words of his predecessor and finds and opens the first envelope. The message inside says "blame me!" He does this and gets off the hook. Three months later at his next crisis he opens the second envelope. The message inside says "Write two envelopes".

A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining a wealthy foreign ambassador during lunch at a very expensive restaurant in uptown New York. The ambassador was so enthralled by the beauty and presence of this secretary that he asked her to marry him. The secretary was startled, but remembered that her boss told her never to insult foreign dignitaries, so she decided to let him down easy. "I'll only marry you under three conditions." "Anything, anything," said the ambassador. "First, you must buy me a 14-karat gold wedding band with a 72 carat diamond, along with a 28 inch studded matching necklace for our engagement." Without hesitation, the ambassador picked up his cellular phone, called his personal accountant, told him the instructions, and said, "Yes, yes, I buy, I buy!" The secretary thought that her first request was too easy, so she thought of a more difficult situation. "Second, I want you to build me a 58-acre mansion in the richest part of the Poconos along with a 40 acre summer home in the sweetest vineyards of France." The ambassador picked up his phone, called his personal broker in New York, then called another broker in France, and after his quick conversation, he said, "Yes, yes, I build, I build!" The secretary was very startled, and knew she must think of a final request that would be impossible to live up to. "Finally," she said. "I'll only marry you if you have a 10 inch member." A sad face befell the ambassador, and he cupped his face in his hands. After weeping in his native language for a few minutes, the ambassador slowly lifted his head and said, "Ok, ok, I''' cut half of it off!"

"Boss, I've got to have a raise," the salesman said to his sales manager. "There are three other companies after me.""Is that a fact?" the manager asked. "What other companies are after you?""The electric company, the phone company, and the gas company."