Animals
About a decade ago American government realizes that they are to be beaten by other countries in the automotive sector if they don't put their heads together. Then they decide to deploy a council to make a research.The group visits a Japanese car factory and notice something strange. Everywhere in the factory, there are lots of cats wandering around. One of the American group members asks the general manager of the factory about the cats. He replies; -we put a cat into each completed product at nights, then if one is alive next morning, that means there is something wrong with the isolation of that unit, so we unassemble it and fix it. Americans were amazed...Then it was time to see what it was like in Turkey, they came to TOFAS factory for their search. And they were again surprised as they saw cats like they used in Japan and they asked again about the cats. General manager's answer was ; -we put a cat in each completed unit at night, if it the cat is missing in the morning ,it means we have some problem with the isolation of that unit.
A dog walks into an employment agency and says "I'd like to get a job please.". The guy at the employment agency says "Wow, you could easily get a job at the circus with your talents." The dog replys "What would the circus want with a plumber?"
A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store and he does a double take. He recognizes that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars. The storeowner replies "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale. The collector says, "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I'll pay you twenty dollars for that cat." And the owner says "Sold," and hands over the cat. The collector continues, "Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to eat and it'll save me from having to get a dish." And the owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky saucer. So far this week I've sold sixty-eight cats."
A farmer rears 25 young hens and one old cock. As the old cock could no longer handle his job efficiently, the farmer buys one young cock from the market and puts it in the pen with the old cock and the hens... Old Cock: Welcome to the farm. We'll work together towards productivity. Young Cock: Whattya mean? As far as I know, you are old and should be retired. Old Cock: Young boy, there are 25 hens here, can't I help you with some? Young Cock: No! Not even one, all of them will be mine. Old Cock: In this case, I challenge you to a competition and, if I win, you let me have one hen. If I lose you have them all. Young Cock: Okay. What kind of competition? Old Cock: 50-yard dash. From here to that tree. But due to my age, I hope you allow me to start off the first 10 yards. Young Cock: No problem! We race tomorrow morning. Confidently, the following morning, the Young Cock allows the Old Cock to start off and when the Old Cock crosses the 10-yard mark, the young cock chases him with all his might. He was right behind the old cock in a matter of seconds and -- BANG! Before he can overtake the old cock, he is shot dead by the farmer, who sighs and says, "Damn. That's the fifth gay chicken I bought this week."
After a long day at the office, Chris came home one day to find his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in his mouth.The rabbit was obviously dead. Chris panicked!"If my neighbors find out my dog killed their bunny, they'll hate me forever," he thought.So he took the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house, gave it a bath and blow-dried its fur.Chris knew his neighbors kept their backdoor open during the summer, so he snuck inside and put the bunny back into the cage, hoping his neighbors would think it died of natural causes.A couple of days later Chris and his neighbor saw each other outside."Did you hear that Fluffy died?" the neighbor asked."Oh. Uhmm... Sorry to hear that. What happened?" Chris mumbled.The neighbor replied: "We just found him dead in his cage one day. But the strange thing is that the day after we buried him, we went out to dinner and someone must have dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage! There are some really sick people out there!"
A little boy came down to breakfast. Since they lived on a farm, his mother asked if he had done his chores. "Not yet," said the little boy. His mother tells him he can't have any breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he's a little pissed, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my "cereal?" he asks. "Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon, either. I also saw you kick the cow, so you aren't getting any milk this morning." Just about then, his father comes down for breakfast, and he kicks the cat as he's walking into the kitchen. The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, "Are you going to tell him, or should I?".
A long New Orleans style funeral procession passes by, but instead of a jazz band, it's lead by a man walking a lion. Behind the coffin walk at least 300 people. A bystander asks the man, "What's going on?" "My lion ate my lawyer and this is his funeral," is the reply. "Could I borrow your lion?" asks the bystander. "I've got a lawyer I'd like to have eaten. " "Sorry, but you'll have to get at the end of that line," said the man, pointing to the 300 people following the coffin.
A man dropped by his friend's house to pay him a visit and was amazed to see him playing a game of chess with his dog. After a few minutes he burst out with, "That's the most incredible dog I've ever seen!""Oh he isn't so smart," was the answer. "I've beaten him three games out of four.
A man hated his wife's cat and he decided to get rid of it. He drove 20 blocks away from home and dropped the cat there. The cat was already walking up the driveway when he approached his home. The next day, he decided to drop the cat 40 blocks away but the same thing happened. He kept on increasing the number of blocks but the cat kept on coming home before him. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until he reached what he thought was a perfect spot and dropped the cat there. Hours later, the man calls his wife at home and asked her, "Jen is the cat there?" "Yes, why do you ask?" answered the wife. Frustrated the man said, "Put that cat on the phone, I'm lost and I need directions."
A man running a little behind schedule arrives at a picture theatre, goes in to watch the movie that has already started, and as his eyes adjust to the darkness, he is surprised to see a dog sitting beside its master in the row ahead, intently watching the movie. It even seemed to be enjoying the movie: wagging its tail in the happy bits, drooping its ears at the sad bits, and hiding its eyes with its paws at the scary bits. After the movie, the man approaches the dogs owner, "Jeez mate, your dog really seemed to enjoy the movie. I'm amazed!""Yes, I'm amazed also," came the reply. "He hated the book."
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