Every (Bad) Crowd Has A Silver Lining (When I was in college, I used to work in the cafeteria. On this day, two girls are making fun of a third.) Mean Girl #1: "Oooooh, a hamburger? So much for that diet." Mean Girl #2: "Are you kidding? She's never been on a diet in her life!" (The third girl who they are talking to is, for the record, very nice looking.) Girl #3: *taken aback* "I...I worked out today. I need the protein." Me: "Come on, leave her alone. She can eat whatever she wants!" Mean Girl #1: "Yeah, I guess you don't have to worry about what you eat if you're already fat and ugly!" (One of my coworkers has been listening from a distance. He walks over, looks all three girls up and down, and then turns to the third.) Coworker: "Excuse me, miss, but do you think I could get your phone number?" Girl #3: "Are you serious?" Coworker: "Completely! Who wouldn't want a date with a beautiful girl who knows how to take care of herself?" (This was five years ago. I'm going to be the best man at their wedding.)

Exam Question: Define courage. Student Answer: This is.

A candidate brought dice into the examination hall for MCQ. He started tossing the dice to select his answers. The superintendent just gave a glimpse at this candidate, as he passed by, as it is common to have students trying their luck. Very soon the candidate finished his whole paper and slept on his table. Half an hour later, the candidate sat up, and started tossing the dice again The superintendent felt curious, and approached the candidate. Superintendent : "Gentleman, why are you tossing the dice again, since you've already finished all the questions earlier on?" Candidate : "Sir, I have to double check my answers"

1. All of you, stand in a straight circle. 2. I have two daughters, and both are girls! 3. Both the three of you get out of the class. 4. I saw you with my wife.....in the theatre. 5. Open the windows let the Airforce come in. 6. Boys go to the right, girls to the left. The rest follow me. 7. How dare you look at the monkey outside the window when I'm sitting here!

"What's the usual tip?" a man growled when, Brett, a college boy delivered his pizza. "Well," Brett continued, "this is my first delivery, but the other guys said that if I got a quarter out of you, I'd be doing great." "Is that so?" grunted the man. "In that case, here's five dollars." "Thanks," Brett said, "I'll put it in my college fund." "By the way, what are you studying?" inquired the man. And Brett replied, "Applied psychology."

Two college students, Frank and Matt, are riding on a New York City subway when a beggar approaches them asking for spare change. Frank adamantly rejects the man in disgust. Matt, on the other hand, whips out his wallet, pulls out a couple of singles and gladly hands them over to the beggar with a smile. The beggar thanks him kindly and then continues on to the other passengers. Frank is outraged by his friend's act of generosity. "What on earth did you do that for?" shouts Frank., "You know he's only going to use it on drugs or booze." Matt replies, "And we weren't?"

Freshman: Is never in bed past noon. Senior: Is never out of bed before noon. Freshman: Reads the syllabus to find out what classes he can cut. Senior: Reads the syllabus to find out what classes he needs to attend. Freshman: Brings a can of soda into a lecture hall. Senior: Brings a jumbo hoagie and six-pack of Mountain Dew into a recitation class. Freshman: Calls the professor "Teacher." Senior: Calls the professor "Bob." Freshman: Would walk ten miles to get to class. Senior: Drives to class if it's more than three blocks away. Freshman: Memorizes the course material to get a good grade. Senior: Memorizes the professor's habits to get a good grade. Freshman: Knows a book-full of useless trivia about the university. Senior: Knows where the next class is. Usually. Freshman: Shows up at a morning exam clean, perky, and fed. Senior: Shows up at a morning exam in sweats with a cap on and a box of pop tarts in hand. Freshman: Has to ask where the computer labs are. Senior: Has own personal workstation. Freshman: Lines up for an hour to buy his textbooks in the first week. Senior: Starts to think about buying textbooks in October... maybe. Freshman: Looks forward to first classes of the year. Senior: Looks forward to first beer garden of the year. Freshman: Is proud of his A+ on Calculus I midterm Senior: Is proud of not quite failing his Complex Analysis midterm Freshman: Calls his girlfriend back home every other night Senior: Calls Domino's every other night Freshman: Is appalled at the class size and callousness of professors Senior: Is appalled that the campus 'Subway' burned down over the summer Freshman: Conscientiously completes all homework, including optional questions Senior: Homework? I knew I forgot to do something last night Freshman: Goes on grocery-shopping trip with Mom before moving onto campus Senior: Has a beer with Mom before moving into group house Freshman: Is excited about the world of possibilities that awaits him, the unlimited vista of educational opportunities, the chance to expand one's horizons and really make a contribution to society Senior: Is excited about new dryers in laundry room Freshman: Takes meticulous four-color notes in class Senior: Occasionally stays awake for all of class

I thought up ALL OF THEESE. I am NOT duplicating anyone (except for 15 and 14, from the American 'Whose Line is it anyway?') So if you want a good "Fun things" and you don't want to keep seeing duplicates, read on. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 1.When the math teacher asks you a question, purposely answer incorrectly. Persist. See how long it keeps going. In my class, this really happened with a kid named Rahul. The teacher asked him how many centimeters were in a meter, and he kept on saying "1" and he kept it going for the rest of the period. ( 20 minutes!!! ) 2. When reading a book, scream, "NO! DON'T!!! LOOK OUT!" 3. Whenever you pick up a pencil, say the word "potato" or some other random word. Say it again when you set it down. See how long it takes for people to get what's happening. 4. Doodle in your notebook. At the end of the period, ask the teacher if he/she thinks that they're good. 5. Open a book and set it down like a tent. When attempting to enter it, keep crying "D'oh!" as long as you can. 6. Play cards. 7. Take all of the computers in the computer lab off of the internet. 8. Ask trivial questions, like, "Why is the subject called 'History?' why not Schnurples?" If you do that, use Schnurples for 'History' in all the rest of your papers. 9.If the school has those phones with the large blocks that go up and down when you take the phone off the hook, tape it down. The teacher will miss a call, and trust me, it's pretty annoying. 10. Give an apple to the teacher- but make sure it actually has a worm in it. 11. Create a set of common words (the, or, as, so, etc..) and scream whenever someone uses one of them. 12. If you are gifted with farting at will then fart whenever someone uses one of the words. 13. If you can't fart at will, burp. 14. Only speak in questions. 15. Only use a certain amount of words in each sentence.

Teacher: What is the axis of the earth? Student: The axis of the earth is an imaginary line which passes from one pole to the other, and on which the earth revolves. Teacher: Very good. Now, could you hang clothes on that line? Student: Yes, Sir. Teacher: Indeed, and what sort of clothes? Student: Imaginary clothes, Sir.

A lecturing teacher noticed a lack of enthusiasm in her class. Few were paying attention so she decided to make an announcement, "The person to answer this next question gets to go home." The students were all brought to attention and a buzz went over the room. Suddenly, a male student grabbed his bag nd threw it out the window. The entire class went quiet. The teacher said, "Who did that?!" with a sense of anger behind her voice. "Me," the male student replied. "Now I can go home for answering your question." So he walked out of the classroom.