A country club didn't allow women on the golf course. Eventually, there was enough pressure that they decided to allow women on the course during the week. The ladies were satisfied with this arrangement, formed a women's club, and became active. After about 6 months, the club board received a letter from the women's club complaining about the men urinating on the golf course. Naturally, they just ignored the matter. After another 6 months, they received another letter reminding them of the previous letter and demanding action. After due deliberation they sent the women a letter advising them that they had been granted equal privileges!

A vacationing golfer was out playing on a course that he had never played before. He hired a caddie from the pro shop to show him the layout of the course, and help him decide what shots to play. On the first tee, the golfer missed his shot, and it dribbled forward about 15 yards. He was slightly embarrassed, but determined to play a better second shot. He hit his second shot into the bordering fairway, and his third shot into a sand trap. By the time he holed out on this Par 4, he was 6 over par. The man turned to his caddie and said, "Well, I have never played this badly before!" To which the caddie replied, "I didn't realize you had played before, sir."

*Famous Sports Quotes* "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." - Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." - Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle" - Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes." - Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker "You guys line up alphabetically by height!" - Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach "I play football. I'm not trying to be a professor. The tests don't seem to make sense to me, measuring your brain on stuff I haven't been through in school." - Clemson recruit Ray Forsythe, who was ineligible as a freshman because of academic requirements "I know the Virginia players are smart because you need a 1500 SAT to get in. I have to drop bread crumbs to get our players to and from class." - George Raveling, Washington State basketball coach "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton." - Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King "I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to." - Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece.

February 10, 2003 It's Saturday morning and John's just about to set off on a round of golf when he realizes that he forgot to tell his wife that the guy who fixes the washing machine is coming around at noon. So John heads back to the clubhouse and phones home."Hello?" says a little girl's voice."Hi, honey, it's Daddy," says John. "Is Mommy near the phone?""No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Fred."After a brief pause, John says, "But you haven't got an Uncle Fred, honey!""Yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy!""Okay, then. Here's what I want you do. Put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout in to Mommy and Uncle Fred that my car's just pulled up outside the house.""Okay, Daddy!" A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone. "Well, I did what you said, Daddy.""And what happened?""Well, Mommy jumped out of bed and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went out the front window and now she's all dead.""Oh, my God! What about Uncle Fred?""He jumped out of bed too, and he was all scared, and he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool. But he must have forgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and now he's dead too."There is a long pause."Swimming pool? Sorry wrong number.

1. CADDY -- 2 women talking about a 3rd who isn't there to defend herself. 2. CHIPPING -- Time to get our nails done again. 3. DOUBLE BOGIE -- "Casablanca" followed by "African Queen." 4. FAIRWAY -- Splitting the bill when the girls go to lunch. 5. GOOD LIE -- Weight on our driver's license. 6. GREENS -- Lunch we eat when we'd really love a cheeseburger. 7. HOLE-IN-ONE -- Time to get new pantyhose. 8. IRON -- What guys need to learn to do their own shirts. 9. ROUGH -- Getting a guy to understand, well, pretty much anything. 10. SHAFT -- You watch the kids while he gets to go golfing. 11. SLICE -- "No thanks. . .just a sliver." 12. TEES -- Putting on that Victoria Secret Negligee. 13. WATER HAZARD -- Giving the kids too much to drink before a road trip. 14. WEDGE -- Bathing suit that's too tight.

A couple of young boys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track. All of a sudden, the Game Warden jumped out of the bushes. Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods like a bat out of hell. The Game Warden was hot on his heels. After about a half mile, the young man stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath, so the Game Warden finally caught up to him. "Let's see yer fishin' license, Boy!" the Warden gasped. With that, the boy pulled out his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid fishing license. "Well, son," said the Game Warden. "You must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!" "Yes, sir," replied the young guy. "But my friend back there, well, he don't have one."

Q: Why isn't there a pro football team in Flint, Michigan? A: Because then Detroit would want one too!

Why is a football pitch so cold? Because of all the fans

ok, If the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the Jags, and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers known as Bucs, what does that make the Tennessee Titans?

A golfer hits a wicked slice off the tee that ricochets through the trees and into the next fairway narrowly missing another golfer. When the first golfer gets to his ball he is greeted by his unintended victim who angrily tells him of the near miss. "I'm sorry, I didn't have time to yell fore," says the first golfer. "That's funny" replies the second, "you had plenty of time to yell 'SHIT!'"